Ever wondered why people complain after marriage about how their partners have become chameleons?
It has become a common routine to hear couples complain of how their partners have become strange to them.
The question is when you were dating, or courting, how well or deep do you know your partner, where there things you saw that irritated you then? or was it just fun fun all the way?, or you actually saw this irritations or irritating character, or some
sort of personalities but you choose to ignore it?
The truth is there was something there, no body is perfect, there is nothing like the perfect guy, or the right lady. There's always a flaw of some sort, fact is we create this images in our head and we fit them into it, our partners into the image just the way we want it to be.
I recently asked a lady what kind of man will she like to get married to, here was her answer.
she said,"well Tom, the kind of guy i am looking for must be.
* Physical futures ---------- tall and handsome, with a nice body build and dark skinned
*Emotional------------------- to be patient, spiritual, to love God, to be Committed, to be faithful,
to be extremely loving and to be tolerant, hard working. able to meet his manly duties.
she also said she can do anything even die for a man with all this qualities.
This picture was her perfect guy.
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Assuming someone with at least 60% of this qualities walk into her life, she will add up the remaining 40% into the 60%, meaning she will be blind to the remaining 40% because the 60% will overshadow the 40% because of the mental picture she already has.
This is one of the major reasons people have blind spot to the irritating part of their partners during courting or dating.
here is what you can do if you find yourself in such situation either you are already married or still dating.
Disregard and terminate whatever mental picture you have been carrying with you of your partner when you first met them, and of which you have as your perfect mate picture.
Change your view of your partner, try looking or seeing him like a normal person or like your brother or friend, take away the super human image you have of him. stop reacting to every irritating they do that gets you off, deal breakers. ignore and see them like kids who loves to be mischievous in nature.
Do a proper background check on them, the truth is most people never talked about their past experience during dating , most people always coat their past with beautiful rose petals instead off leaving it as dirty as it was so that whoever is coming t o take a view will know who they really are and same time love them for their originality.
If you are dating, i will suggest you watch your partner closely, ask them about their past, family, and people who have been in their lives, how they relate with their family, take a close look of their relationship with their immediate family and close friends. ask direct questions if they react to certain questions watch their reactions. any answer given, you are not clear about do not fail to ask again. do not take any detail for granted, all this will give you a clue of their true self and a head start of the race you are about to embark when reality dawns on you.
Try to be diplomatic in your thinking with your partner and always put yourself in their shoes when it comes to certain logical and fragile matters,
Lastly, better a Poisonous snake for a friend that you aware of it's deadliness than a lion disguised as dog or a pet. it's easier to deal with some one you already know their irritating sides than for someone you have no idea what irritates them.
Edozie. Williams.
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